You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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