Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
