Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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