i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
