I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
