Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
