atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
