By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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