Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
