found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
