So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
