If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
