Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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