when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
