i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
