you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
