i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just high enough for therapy.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
