they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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