i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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