Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
