I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
