Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
