Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
