I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
