hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The best revenge is premature balding
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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