It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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