is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
worst night to have a conscience
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
