I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
