That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You're a waste of cheezeits
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
