M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
