I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
