I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
