Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
