oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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