how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
