We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
