Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize