i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize