The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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