I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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