where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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