My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize