his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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