You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
