Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Everything about him screamed your future.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
