Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize