planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
