I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
