my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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