new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
