Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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