His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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