I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
