yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
