So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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