Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
