You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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