Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
