I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
