Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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