But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
