someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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