The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize