Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
