her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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