Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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