I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
