dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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