I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
