He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize