I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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