he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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